Hello, imposters.

Matt here reminding you that you’re not alone. I, too, am impostering. Pretty hard lately.

That feeling in the pit of your stomach as you second-guess yourself again and again; the blankness in your head where an answer should be but isn’t; the weight of all the things you know you don’t know overwhelming your ability to answer the question; the dance you do when someone asks how the ‘thing’ is going; the excuses and defenses you’ve developed in imaginary conversations as you struggle to fall asleep. That ticking time bomb wondering if today is the day they find out you’re a fraud.

It's a real joy to be an imposter. Let’s talk about a few things we can do.

Fake it till you make it.

It’s a mindset thing. James Clear’s book, Atomic Habits, articulates this so well: you become the thing you want to be when your habits align with that identity. Your habits build you, and you become your habits. You’re more likely to believe you are that thing when you have evidence behind you, so practicing the actions of that thing or type of person is critical. It will feel awkward; you will judge yourself; you will likely feel like an imposter. But that will change over time as you accrue more evidence.

Nip it in the bud.

Upon waking, I have a couple moments of neutrality before my head starts reminding about how I’m a fraud and my day is going to suck. If I take no action, my head – right on queue – hits me with some version of ‘Mornin’ Matt, go fuck yourself.’ So I can choose to interject a positive experience or succumb to my default settings of negativity. I choose to grab a daily reader with a short paragraph by someone else who is overcoming their imposter syndrome and negative thoughts. I don’t think this guarantees a perfect day, but I do think it helps set the tone. Subverting a shitty thought even for one minute can change the trajectory of your thinking.

What other people think of me is none of my business.

It’s one thing when I know I’m a fake, but shit’s really gonna hit the fan when everyone else finds out. My energy is invested in not letting other people discover I don’t belong here. That often looks like not trying something for fearing of messing up or not asking an important question for fear of looking inadequate. Ignoring how people think of me is easier said than done – we’re all renting out space in our heads for other people – but it is a helpful mantra to remind me that there are things I can control, and things I ultimately cannot. Furthermore, what would it feel like to let others just be wrong about me? Hm.

These are some options to try on if you’re struggling with being an imposter. It’s not an exhaustive list, so I encourage you to keep searching for – and practicing – the things that feel good and believable to you. These habitual thoughts and actions compound over time – unfortunately in both directions. Practicing negative thoughts adds pressure and stress; practicing positive thoughts helps keep me in reality, motivates me, and provides healthy confidence.

If you know how you’d like to feel and who you’d like to be but are struggling to get there, coaching could be the right tool for the job. Life coaches help people identify and put the systems in place to improve their lives. If you’d like to talk about how coaching could work for you, go ahead and schedule a free consultation with me, or keep learning about coaching on my site.

Go get ‘em this week.