I’ve referenced James Clear’s book Atomic Habits several times the past few weeks. I think it’s a valuable resource for people looking to pick up good habits and break bad ones. He makes a lot of mentions toward his work on his own habits – habit scorecards, frequent goal re-positioning, writing routines, 2x/year integrity reports. Integrity reports?? My god. It felt like a lot of stuff. Extra stuff. Extra stuff that probably I shouldn’t have to do. As in, it should just be easier to accomplish my goals, I should be more naturally-gifted with discipline and motivation, the world should come meet me rather than require me to take action.

I shouldn’t have to implies that the reality of the situation should match my expectations and demands – that, perhaps, the means required to handle the situation should be easier, less necessary, more accommodating. Or, even worse, these means are straight-up beneath me.

I’ve never met him, but I’ll guess James Clear is more interested in strong results than the means to achieve them. He cares enough about the results to sacrifice the time and energy to perform all his good habit-bolstering techniques (including integrity reports). After which, he gets to enjoy 3 million book sales and a #1 spot on the NYT Bestseller list. If success and doing things he wanted to do had absolutely nothing to do with habits, then I suspect he would gravitate towards those other means too. So I have to ask myself this question – just as I asked you when I was your cheerleader, despite how cheesy that feels – am I more interested in results or means? More interested in desirable results or the work required to get there, even if it’s difficult, scary, silly, or inconvenient?

I shouldn’t have to is a NYT Bestseller on the list of bullshit I tell myself regularly. I don’t challenge this thought because, frankly, I just don’t see it on my own. What starts as a complaint can be revealed as a limiting belief, and once that’s uncovered all sorts of solutions can show up. Sometimes this stuff causes big life overhauls, sometimes it’s just about a $12 sponge mop from Walmart (see last week’s newsletter). This is a benign example. Imagine what else is down there. Yikes, I know.

Sometimes we get this way when we consider health treatment or improving our lives. My body should just work. My brain should just work. I should be able to comfortably navigate social situations or ask for a raise or change careers on my own. I shouldn’t have to have help with this. Well, why the hell not? And are you more interested in means or results? What does it mean about you to ask for help? Would it mean you are weak and incapable? Or would it mean you are your best champion? That by making an investment in yourself you are committed to achieving your goal?

One of my clients recently told me he signed up for coaching because he’s willing to bet on himself more than anything else, that investing in himself is the best investment he can make. I thought that was spot-on.

Go get ‘em this week.