I wrote a few weeks ago about the different brains in your head and body. Your body is on guard and in defense mode when you feel scared or threatened – even if your head understands there’s truly nothing dangerous about the situation. In those times, we must be patient while our body catches up with the facts.

In a coaching session, we give more attention to one brain depending on the situation. When someone’s body is telling them they’re not good enough, we find some head facts to counter them. And when clients express dissatisfaction, exhaustion, and stuckness, we’ll spend more time analyzing the body.

Martha Beck, in her book Finding Your Own North Star, describes these two selves:

1. Essential self = the one that is unabashedly you; your real wants, needs, and preferences; what makes you feel like you – fulfilled, whole, and happy.

2. Social self = the one that has been modified by rules and structures (productive and unproductive); how society believes adults should act; your family’s voice in your ear.

The head is really good at reminding us of what we should do. Sometimes this gets us to exercise and eat well; other times, it keeps us trapped in a situation we don’t really want to be in, chasing a thing we don’t really want. The body is aligned with our essential selves, and when our essential and social selves are in hard conflict, we feel burnt out, dissatisfied, listless. Beck argues that we’re dominated by the social self, but if we can allow the essential self to lead and the social self to just keep us in bounds – to remind us of the rules – we can lead more enjoyable lives. I have to agree.

Coaching conversations kind of go like this when clients are burnt out, stuck, or dissatisfied. We’ll talk through a potential solution or alternative, and then pause to check in with the body. If it genuinely feels good, we feel confident we’re on the right path. It’s this rhythm that allows forward progression – the building blocks of a coaching session to get you from your starting place to somewhere else.

You can try this yourself. If you’re feeling stuck, exhausted, or dissatisfied, try checking in with your body. Imagine the same scenario but fixed exactly how you want it, imagine the solution, or you on the other side of the situation. How does that feel in your body? If you’re feeling stuck, imagine the solution and ask how that solution feels in your body. If you’re feeling exhausted: what would feel good to do?

Exploring what your body is telling you can unlock all sorts of realizations and new perspectives. Your body and nervous system are a compass. I’ve witnessed relief, hope, and joy when clients imagine a reality where their body’s needs are getting met. They are feeding their essential selves and that elicits an undeniable response. Of course, your head will jump in right away with the “facts” it perceives as true, but we’ll chip away at those together.

There’s an argument that we don’t get what we want because we don’t know what we want. But I think we do. It’s in us – we just haven’t listened to it yet.

If you’re feeling dissatisfied, listless, or stuck, it might be a good idea to check in with your body. The potential that you’re doing something in conflict with your essential self is high, and your body can help point in the right direction. A coach can guide you through this process and add even more. If you’re interested in discussing how coaching could look for you, go ahead and schedule a free consultation, or keep learning about coaching on my site.

Go get ‘em this week.