Story time:

I took a 12-week Photoshop class several months ago – for fun, exploratory purposes, nothing serious. Still, it came with a letter grade at the end. In the final 3-4 weeks, I was pretty sick of this class, its homework and projects and pressure to perform and complete things. The instructor announced there would be a huge final project for all the marbles – it comprised something like 85% of the whole grade. I was furious. Didn’t they know I wasn’t that serious about this? Didn’t they know I had real work to do?

I brought this frustration to my coach and told her I’d rather just drop the class. She challenged me: ‘what are your reasons for not dropping the class?’ The big one that came to mind was that the idea of failing it was awful. It didn’t align with my values or who I was. I wasn’t the type of person who does that; I see things through; when I commit, I really commit; etc. So she challenged me again: ‘what would it say about you if you just dropped the class?’ I hadn’t considered it, because I wasn’t really considering dropping the class, but it got the wheels turning. I came up with a bunch of positive reasons why it was good for me to not complete that final project.

In the end, I finished the project and got the fucking A. And I was proud of it. But my coach kicked the tires on my POV in a way I wasn’t doing for myself. All I was doing was stressing myself out about how I had to do this thing I didn’t want to do, and that’s as far as I got. So, while I still finished the class, I had much more peace around it because I’d explored why and found that I liked my reasons for doing it. My coach didn’t care what I chose to do, as long as I liked my reasons.

There are 3 steps along the way to evaluating your reasons:

• Challenge your thinking and actions.

  • Why am I doing this? Who am I doing this for? What do I hope to get out of this?

• Self-reflect on the alignment between your thinking & actions and your values & priorities.

  • Does this get me to where I want to be? Is this necessary discomfort so I can be stronger? Do I have to do it right now?

• Articulate your intention.

  • I need to complete this project because I want to be more skillful, I have the time, and I enjoy the sense of accomplishment learning something new.

Liking my reasons for doing something – even and especially something I don’t want to do – is empowering, engaging, and relieving. And going through the process to the articulation of those reasons can help us organize thoughts and feelings. We focus less on the frustration, the discomfort, the fear and more on the end goal.

Good coaches don’t care what you decide to do, as long as you like your reasons for doing it. Not if your coach likes your reasons. As long as you like them. Coaches honor your expertise of yourself, but they also make sure they’re penetrating through the stories you tell yourself so you can have that fresh perspective.

Sound cool? I think so. Want to start working with a coach and gain that fresh perspective? Hit me up here! Or keep learning about coaching on my site.

Go get ‘em this week.