Several years ago I attended a short lecture/meditation session with an esteemed Tibetan monk whose name I can’t remember. It was a cool talk and an uncomfortable meditation. I was a smoker then so ran outside afterward to enjoy one. The monk was leaving as I headed back into the building, and while he and I crossed paths on the stairs, I held out my hand to thank him for the lecture. He smiled at me and kept moving, ignoring my handshake entirely. Didn’t even budge.

Unbelievable.

A full seven years later I happened to learn that this type of monk doesn’t shake hands with anyone. Not their friends, not President Biden, not a random smoker on a stairwell.

I just had to laugh. Every few months after the incident, I’d think about what a dick this guy was and here I was – seven years later – finally seeing the truth.

I spend plenty of time indulging a negative thinking bias – assuming the worst of a situation or someone’s intentions, looking for evidence to corroborate unproductive, shitty thoughts. It’s a way to protect myself, priming me to be on guard for danger. I don’t doubt its usefulness at times, but am certain it is overused.

How ingrained is this negativity in almost all areas of my life – in the things I can’t do, aren’t for me, or force me to resist rather than embrace, try, or start? My thoughts are insidious – they sound like me and speak with great conviction. Why wouldn’t they be true? While the mechanism itself likely can’t be removed, the amount of attention I give it absolutely can.

Coaching is an effective tool to spot this negative thinking and point out its absurdity. Coaching involves reflecting one’s thoughts back to them, allowing their brain to actually reinterpret the thought, attitude, or behavior. This provides new perspective. New perspective provides choice. You can choose to continue believing that thought, that story you tell yourself – or not. Or a different one. It’s totally your call.

It takes work to reinforce a new replacement thought, but discovering unproductive thoughts is the first step. If you’re interested in being able to see your thoughts – those ones hardwired into your daily thinking – from a fresh perspective so you can decide if they’re true or useful, go ahead and book a consultation with me here, or keep learning more about coaching on my site.

Go get ‘em this week.