Coaching the Who

As a coach, I often talk about results. I know clients are interested in results. I know, as a client of a coach myself, I am also interested in results. In many areas of my life, I want my input to yield x output. Like a math equation, if I do this I get this. And when I’m paying for something, I really want the output I expect.

Results are important and awesome, but coaching is a lot more than results. If we focused solely on the ‘what’ of the goal – the getting you to those results – we’d have some action steps, you’d make some progress, and more than likely – at some point and with consistent action – you’d probably get the thing. I really believe that.

But this approach overlooks a crucial element – the ‘who.’ Coaches who focus on the ‘who’ don’t just repeat back what you said, but they reflect your thoughts and goals in relation to who you are and what you value. If you’ve ever had a goal to do a thing, gotten that thing, and then felt miserable or neutral after having gotten it, perhaps it’s not truly in line with your values or what you want. (Not as a rule but as a possibility.)

Part of coaching is teasing out the reason behind things and kicking the tires on whether or not those reasons are actually valid to you. What I want for you is to be doing the thing and achieving the results that feel so good to you, you can barely believe it. It may feel out of line with the well-trodden path or the facts on paper, but it might be right in line with where your heart and gut are.

A coach will see you in ways that you don’t see yourself. You will reveal your ‘who’ without naming it. A coaching conversation will unfold your values – through speech, body language, inflection, repetition, avoidance, energy – and all you need to do is let me know how you’re arriving today and what you want to work on.

There are things we don’t see about ourselves even though we’re freely describing them. Decades of biases, reinforcement, and culture cloud the truth, the path, the alternative. Good coaching can chip away at or sledgehammer your ideas and attitudes, so that things you’ve held and known as true now appear absurd, exaggerated, or just plain bullshit. You see them in a different light so you can overcome barriers to your results. It’s not easy work, but when you show up with your authentic self, the ’who’ comes with it, and that’s when real results show up.

Coaching is the best way I’ve found to get results that are meaningful to me. If you want to discuss what that looks like for you, schedule a free consultation here or keep learning about coaching on my site.

Go get ‘em this week.