Feedback

You might recall sitting down with a manager to discuss your recent performance – a presentation or project that went awry, a job you know just wasn’t up to standard. You might cringe at the thought of having this pointed out to you, of someone seeing your weakness and vulnerability, of not getting the score or grade you hoped for. But, friends, feedback is one of those necessary evils to help us improve.

I’m sure you’re familiar with the two types: positive (good) and “constructive” (bad). That’s exactly how I used to see it, too. I recall chatting with my former Managing Director and using air quotes around “constructive” feedback to signal, of course, that constructive means negative. He laughed right at me, noting the sarcasm, and asked why constructive feedback couldn’t be just that – constructive? Why did it have to carry judgement?

There is plenty of advice out there on how to deliver feedback – feedback “sandwiches,” specificity, etc. – but for us to take responsibility for our own growth and development, we need to ask for it. And that means getting over the idea that it could kill us. So here’s a friendly reminder that constructive feedback (sic, no quotes) is not meant to drag us down or set us back, it’s meant to sharpen us and build us up.

We can ask for feedback on all sorts of things - a personal project, a work performance, a haircut. It is essential to our improvement, and so it’s important that we approach it in a way that is valuable to us. Here are some quick tips I use for getting useful feedback.

To the extent that you can, stick with 3 people.

I like this, simply because it’s more than 1 and less than 5. An audience of 1 is ok if the person you’re receiving feedback from is the single-most expert in the world on that subject, but that’s usually not the case. 5 people, to me, starts sounding like a Google search: too many cooks in the kitchen and generating conflicting responses. 3 is a good middle-ground. You can always add more as your development continues.

Solicit experts (not necessarily your friends and family).

The right feedback comes from the right people. While it’s helpful to have their loving support, the people closest to us aren’t always primed to tell us how to improve. Find folks in your network who are skillful and experienced in what you want to do. This is easy at work but takes a bit more energy in your personal life. Spend the time to find the right people, and you’ll find more valuable feedback.

Feedback helps to effectively close that Johari’s Window quadrant of what’s unknown about yourself, but known about you by others. It could be hard skills, but can also be personality, communication, softer skills. Self-awareness and an established presence are leadership qualities that transcend skill and expertise, and the way to practice these qualities is to first understand how well you’re embodying them.

Coaching is extremely effective at this – helping you see yourself, your thinking, your behavior from a perspective outside your normal one, boosting your self-awareness, and exposing your blind spots so you can actually work on them. If this could be useful to you, let’s have a chat! You can set up a free consultation with me here or keep learning about coaching on my site.

Go get ‘em this week.