What I learned from exercising
The benefits of exercise are well-known: a healthier heart, stronger muscles, heightened mood, energy, and self-esteem, improved physique. My experience included all of these to different degrees, but what has stayed with me through the years are the spiritual benefits.
I started exercising routinely shortly after I got sober almost 12 years ago. My body had changed dramatically in the end of my drinking days – bloated but thin, broken out, losing hair – to stay nothing of the emotional hell and demoralization of my daily existence.
Murakami said (in What I Talk About When I Talk About Running), “For me, running is both exercise and a metaphor.” Sobriety was a stark change to both my physical and mental awareness, and I noticed the concepts and principles I was introduced to in my sober fellowship became unexpectedly relevant at the gym.
Honesty: Only I can know if I gave it my all or if it was time to increase the weight or reps. No one is there watching and monitoring me. I find I get real honest real quick with 175 lbs. on my back – only I can know in that moment whether I can go down and come back up again.
Acceptance: Yes, plenty of the much younger kids I see at the gym are benching more than me. Yes, that fills me with fear and shame. Yes, there’s not much I can do about it except for keep the focus on myself and my progress. I accept where I am that day and use a measuring stick only against myself. I celebrate the wins, even when it’s just me.
Patience: Most folks will tell you to focus on form over weight, especially in the beginning. But that can be so hard when you wanna jump straight into the badass stuff. I practice patience while my body learns the most effective mechanics. I practice patience when I halve my usual intensity after a long vacation. I practice patience when my body, for whatever reason, just can’t do the same volume it did last week. In doing so, I remind myself that I’m in it for the long haul.
Exercise provided another avenue to get that much closer to myself. It taught me – and teaches me – about my potential and perceived limits, shows me an inner side that isn’t so easily accessible in other areas of my life. This is the practice of things that transcend the gym. This is the practice of being with myself and growing.
During hard workouts, I think of this other Murakami line: “Say you’re running and you think, ‘Man, this hurts. I can’t take it anymore.’ The ‘hurt’ part is an unavoidable reality, but whether or not you can stand anymore is up to the runner himself.”
Go get ‘em this week.